What Is It That I Search 4

A search that knows no destination: In What Is It That I Search 4, Tupac captures an inner uncertainty. In the book, the poem follows If I Fail and is among the reflective pieces in the first part of The Rose That Grew from Concrete, in which he contemplates himself, his goals, and his place in the world.

The Heart Must Search Blind

The poem begins with an admission: the speaker does not know what he is searching for, only that he has not yet found it. Because what he seeks is invisible to the eye, his heart must search for it blind. The second stanza poses an almost philosophical question: if he were to find it by chance, would he even realize that his task is fulfilled? He wonders whether one can reach a conclusion before the question was even asked.

The final stanza compares the search to looking out at the sea. Just as no one knows what lies behind the shore, he will never find the answer to what he is searching for. The poem ends without comfort, but also without despair. The search itself is the state in which the speaker lives.

The Restlessness Runs Through the First Part of the Book

This restlessness runs through the entire first part of the book. In The Eternal Lament, Tupac writes that he will forever strive for perfection and want to do everything all over again. In In the Depths of Solitude, he describes a young heart with an old soul that lives twice as fast as others. What Is It That I Search 4 adds a quieter note to this: the sense that some goals cannot be reached at all.

The spelling with the numeral “4” instead of “for” is typical of Tupac’s handwriting and was preserved in the book. There is no exact dating. According to the preface by Afeni Shakur, the poems date from the years 1989 to 1991.

More about the book and all poems in the introduction.